You cant always get what you want
by vault94
Summary: Dean is barely living without Sam. blaming himself Dean couldnt just leave Sam in the cage forever it wasnt fair. Dean stumbles upon a spell that brings back a lost soul. will it be the one to bring Sam fully back? R&R bad summary please give it a chance
1. Chapter 1

He was falling. And Dean couldn't grab him in time. Why did he let Sammy do this. Why! Each night he dreamt that dream and each night apart of Dean died. "_You go live some normal apple _

_pie life Dean_" Sams words haunted him "_promise me you wont try and bring me back" _But he couldn't keep that promise. How could he! Everyday he looked through book after book about

portals anything that had the words hell and cage in them was good enough for him but nothing, Dean made weekly trips to crossroads demons asking the same thing even begging and he got the same answer every time, No. He was barely living and wondered why Lisa kept him around, he was always getting drunk and he was never really present when lost in horrific

thoughts, memories of the past not all of them were bad though. Seeing Sammy smiling over his first A or how after every prank round came to an end he and Sam would just laugh it off

both secretly still thinking of the next round but each memory tore at his beaten heart to shreds.

But having Ben made him feel good eased his pain a little he protected Ben and it gave him hope but he didn't feel complete, a life with a family was what he wanted….right?

But he looked at the head lines of papers of killings that couldn't be explained and he wanted to help it was just in his nature but he couldn't, Dean was afraid of trying and failing Sam if he left this family….not his family.

No Deans family was dead. There was Bobby but Dean couldn't face him, the memory of him being killed and brought back were to painful to feel, Bobby was back and he was grateful to Cas for that but no one would bring back his Sam.

He wanted to scream at Cas to do something to bring Sam out and he had for the first few weeks when everything was to overwhelming to handle but the angel never came and he stopped calling after a while.

He could handle the pain now he built walls so he couldn't fully feel things but was glad for it but when night came he fought tooth and nail not to sleep but he always lost and the memories over whelmed him he would sometimes wake up calling for Sam and find Lisa instead who did her best to sooth him but nothing worked.

Most of the time though he just woke up crying and he would go to the garage and sit in this retired baby and let all the pain swell up with no one around it was ok and as soon as he had nothing left in him he built the walls back up and returned to this life one day it would go back to normal he hoped.

Dean scoffed a little what the hell does normal even mean?


	2. Chapter 2

**So the first part was boring and mainly an introduction to the story but this chapter is where things get interesting. Hope you enjoy please leave reviews**

It had been 6 months since that fateful day when he lost his last family member and life became a steady routen that occasionally bored Dean. He would wake up eat healthy, Lisa's orders, go to work, pretend to care about what he does come home teach Ben how to fix cars, watch TV with Ben then to bed where the nightmares start.

Dean had grown so used to this schedual he didn't question anything anymore it just was what it was. When had life gotten so easy and yet so complicated he thought as he laid in bed with Lisa. She did everything for him she kept him sane and safe Dean would be forever grateful for her taking him in sometimes he still couldn't believe his luck.

Dean stared at the ceiling and found patterns in the little lines he could be entertained for hours he was to afraid to sleep to afraid to see blood and pain. He couldn't handle it.

_It was beautiful here, Dean hadn't been here in years but it looked __exactly the same. The breeze swept over him bringing the scent of pine and earth. _

_Dean inhailed and walked by the huge oak that at one point to him could tower over mountains and an old rope swing hang from the lowest branch the seat a foot from the ground soundlessly swinging with the wind it should have been decaying to bitter pieces of filth by now. _

_The grass was dead but beautiful to Dean he walked past the oak and watched the horizon the sun was just setting and it cast a beautiful warm glow on the valley he had long forgotten. "Dean?" Dean froze his heart stopped at hearing that voice, that innocent voice of a 13 year old Sam who held so much hope for the future. _

_He turned slowly and just waiting to have his heart ripped apart at the empty space, instead he saw Sam sitting on the swing looking at Dean but not seeing the real Dean. He remembered this, a memory that's all this was, a memory. _

_"Are you mad at me Dean?" the boy frowned a worry line appeared as his eyes searched his big brothers face for the answer. _

_Dean sighed and walked over to the big oak and slide down next to his baby brother he remembered this conversation well. "No Sam, im not mad at all" he whispered up at his brother. _

_Sam looked unconvinced which made Dean laugh his brother never understood his calm approach or maybe because this just wasn't the same Dean. _

_" I want more for you Sam. I want you to have a life, friends a girlfriend (an image of Jessica came to his mind and Dean smirked) she'll probably be to hot for you to handle" he chuckled and Sam just smirked and rolled his eyes and started to swing slowly. _

_Dean kept watching his brother knowing his fate, a part of him wanted to tell Sam to run and never look back he wanted to change his brothers future before it was to late but he knew it was just a memory. _

_"I thought about…maybe being… a lawyer" Sam whispered the last bit shifting his eyes told Dean he thought his big brother would laugh at his dream and the first time around Dean had but not this time. _

_"__You would make one hell of a lawyer. You would be saving and helping people even then" Sam smiled that smile that tugged at Deans heart. Dean almost cried seeing it. "thanks Dean" Sam said. _

_Sam kept swinging and Dean just continued to stare at his baby brother. He wanted this to be real to save his brother he wanted it so bad but Dean stiffened something shifted in the air, something cold and sinister was near and coming closer._

_Dean stood and put himself between Sam and whatever the hell was out there, memory or not he would protect his brother. _

_"Dean?" Sam called to him but Dean just kept looking around. _

_The air was thick and he felt like something caressed him and he wanted to puke. Dean shivered feeling tainted when Sam started to scream. _

_Dean turned just in time to see Sam fall out of the swing. Dean was by his side in a heart beat trying to sooth his little brother while his mind started screaming this wasn't part of the memory! _

_Dean held his little brother he screamed again and this time blood flowed out of Sam's stomach. Sam screamed louder until his screams died down to choking on his blood. "Sam!" Dean screamed for his brother their were no wounds what the hell was going on. _

_Sam screamed his eyes flying open seeking his brothers gaze. "Help me Dean! Dean please" _

_His brother begged and begged his bright hazel eyes searing Deans eye but something was off. Sam's eyes were red and bright Sam screamed gain and his eyes were burning in their sockets blood leaked from the boys eyes down his face and the edges of Sam started to smoldering burning away before his very eyes. _

_"Dean" _Dean bolted straight up breathing heavely as the flow of tears poored down his face he couldn't stop them. "Dean" a voice sounded in the corner of his room and Dean was on instant alert he jumped up holding Ruby's knife that he kept under his pillow and held it out. "Who are you!"

**TBC..**


	3. Chapter 3

**dont own anything but wish i did. Please leave reviews**

"Who are you!" Dean looked around and saw Lisa still sleeping peacefully and his mind soared to Ben his heart started pounding "Once again who the hell are you!" Deans voice turned to a shout.

"Calm down Dean. Its only me" from the shadows a figure approached him. It was tall and slandering and wearing a very familiar trench coat.

"Cas what the hell man" Dean sat heavily onto the bed trying to slow his heart.

"Sorry"

Dean huffed he didn't sound sorry at all. Dean pinched the ridge over his nose and sighed exhausted replacing his earlier fear. "What do you want Cas?" there was no reason for the angel to be here, he hadn't called for him in months

"I wanted to see how you were"

Dean looked up at that. Cas concerned? He looked at the angles face his eyes an endless void of emotionless understanding. Dean rolled his eyes ya right he thought as he laid back in bed.

He closed his eyes wishing the angel would leave

"I'm fine Cas" silence.

"I've come to answer your prayers"

"That was months ago Cas" a weighing guilt built on him, he should have kept calling Cas to demand him to save his brother.

"I've been busy. Heaven is out of order and I needed, how do you say it, a breather"

Dean smirked at Cas's tired tone. Good Dean thought he didn't care if the angel suffered.

Dean refused to answer the angel he once called friend.

Cas waited for but his friend didn't answer. Dean looked tired and worn down. His eyes were closed but Cas knew the hunter wasn't sleeping. He truly did feel sorry he couldn't bring back Sam, correction wouldn't bring back Sam it was to much of a risk he knew Dean was angry at him for that and Cas vowed he would come if Dean ever called him again and with those thoughts the angel left.

Dean finally felt Cas leave and he breathed again he hated seeing Cas he hated that Cas left his brother to be forever tortured and he just couldn't stop blaming Cas or himself. Dean curled around Lisa afraid to sleep he didn't want to see Sam like that again. But her soft breathing lulled him to a dream that he didn't understand.

Flashes of Sam raced through his mind an pentagram and blood being drawn from a familiar arm and a spell, not in Latin something much older something long forgotten something that felt oddly enough like hope…Dean jerked awake by his alarm. Did Cas really come last night? Probably not just another weird dream. He sighed and made his way to the kitchen to start his morning route once again.

The day was different Deans latest dream invaded his mind all day slowly working its way to some long dead part of Dean that felt like hope.

He knew, he didn't know how he knew but Dean knew that it was connected to Sam.

Dean barely focusing when he put up a sheet of plastic to keep the outside world out a staple gun in the other.

He shot one in…maybe this dream is the key…

second staple in….he could save Sam….

staple is in….he could bring Sam back…

staple 4 in "AAAHH" his thumb.

He dropped the gun a waved his hand wildly around so many injures over the years so much pain but this really hurt like a mother f

"you alright man?" a man interrupted his thoughts Dean just couldn't focus he grabbed all of this tools and went for his truck pulling the staple out along the way.

He drove his intentions going some place he didn't like, some place he never wanted to go back to….the library.

God he hated this places. He called Lisa and said he wouldn't be home for dinner working late, lie yes but it was necessary he felt like he could be close to something any minute now he was gonna find what he was looking for.

5 days later and still nothing.

No spell even resembled the one he saw and Dean became frantic.

He called some old contacts but they had nothing for him he avoided calling Bobby he knew the old hunter wouldn't want him to be digging and he knew, though he buried it deep inside him he knew that Sam would be pissed at Dean for looking but he couldn't help himself.

It was close to 6 in the evening and the library was beginning to close he was on edge he felt like ripping his hair out screaming crying he felt like he was failing his little brother…again.

He did the one thing he swore he wouldn't do, he called for Cas.

"Cas. Please man I'm begging you please we need to talk"

"Dean"

The voice came from behind and Dean had never been happier to see the angel. Two heart beats later Dean smiled which didn't feel normal he wondered when the last time he smiled at his new family.

"Yes Dean" Cas's voice interrupted his thoughts.

Dean looked at his old friend and wondered how much he would reveal to the angel who stood firmly between him and his little brother. He was gonna find away around Cas or he was gonna go straight through him. Now that there was a path to follow he wasn't giving up.

**TBC..**


	4. Chapter 4

"Uh" Dean didn't know how to start this off. "Well I've been having these dreams" he began ok so far so good.

Cas eyebrows quirked up "Dreams? That is normal for people. So I am confused on why you called"

Dean took a breath a long breath he couldn't afford to punch his only hope.

"Yes Cas that's normal but these aren't" Cas just stared. "I saw a spell an old spell and Sam I think this can get him back" he had lost patience but was worried about how Cas would take this.

Cas had been still seemed if possible now frozen at Deans words.

No one spoke for a good 5 minutes.

"Cas? What cat got your tongue" he barely had the heart for that lame joke but the silence was killing him.

Cas however frowned and started to look around. " I see no cat that has the ability to posses my tongue Dean." He said in a serious voice that almost made Dean laugh, almost.

"Tell me about this dream" he said with no feeling as usual.

Dean could tell that this conversation hit a nerve but he needed answers for Sammy's sake.

" A pentagram with writing that didn't look like Latin and a spell I didn't recognize and dirt with bones surrounding it and blood." he paused hoping he wasn't missing anything.

Cas had not moved for several minutes. Cas could see that Dean was hopeful for his next words.

He did in fact no the spell, it wasn't a hard spell but it was ancient, powerful and very dangerous spell. He wondered how Dean dreamt of the spell. It wasn't normal, did Dean have visions?

He didn't think so which meant one other way he could have seen it and that made Cas very uncomfortable.

He shouldn't tell Dean about it, God himself band the spell but Dean look desperate and hopeful, he could crush his friend any more.

"Yes I recognize the spell" he said quietly.

Deans eyes lit up.

"But it wont bring Sam back Dean. No spell can." and just as quickly the light died in Deans eyes and Dean sat down his head to his chest.

Cas reached with his powers and heard Deans thoughts

"_Oh god No! No No No! I failed him! I failed Sammy! I failed him again. Oh god_"

Cas pulled away from the broken mans thoughts he couldn't believe he was about to reveal the spell to Dean. It wouldn't bring back Sam and under these circumstances someone must have sent the dream to Dean and it couldn't have been anyone good.

" It brings a lost soul back" Cas started staring at Dean who slowly raised his head eyes watering filled with unshed tears.

"Not for good but as a spirit. Solid in form but not alive. His soul basically"

Dean stared at Cas waiting for the down fall of the spell. "I don't know if it will work but its worth a shot." Cas could only imagine the state of Sam's soul but he couldn't tell Dean.

Why he didn't know but he couldn't.

Maybe because he respected Dean. After everything that had happen this man fought heaven and hell for his brother and part of him did want to bring Sam back. He did miss the boy but he knew the risk Dean however did not.

* * *

Cas had explained everything about the spell and left looking for the materials.

While Dean went back to Lisa and Ben with a spring in his step and feeling lighter.

He was going to see Sam again.

He knew the angel was keeping something from him but Dean hadn't bothered to ask he was filled with hope.

"Dean wanna play a game?"

Bens voice drifted towards Dean pulling him out of his own head and back to reality where being a dad was kind of cool.

"Sure but this time I'm gonna whip you a knew one" Ben laughed "Bring it on old man" Dean stared at him "Old man.? Please I'm still a young bad ass and it is so on"

The played and as usual Dean lost he just couldn't seem to kill the zombies with this stupid controller!

"Ha way to go old timer 17 to 1 how does that make you feel oh young bad ass" Ben smiled while Dean glared with amusement.

"Would you look at the time its time for the youngen to go bedy by time" Ben stopped smiling and glared at the now laughing Dean.

"He's right Ben. Go to bed sweety." Ben groaned and walked to bed followed by the sounds of Deans laughter.

Yet Ben couldn't help but smile he loved Dean even if he was broken.

Lisa came over and kissed Dean. "Don't stay up to late " she walked away and Dean smiled. Life here was good but if he had Sam it would be even better.

* * *

Dean woke up after the tv turned to static he looked at the cloak which read 1:15 am Dean groaned and walked to the ktichen for some water cracking his neck along the way.

The house was dark but Dean was use to the dark.

He grabbed a cup and filling it with water. His throat felt so good the water was cold and so good.

"Dean"

Dean jumped and went for this gun but he didn't carry anymore.

He did at when he first came here it brought him comfort so he walked around the house with it he wanted something normal to start him off in this new life but once Lisa found out man it was gone with in seconds never to be worn again.

He recognized Cas's voice after a moment.

"Jeez Cas one of these days your going to get shot by doing that"

He went back for more water when Cas replied.

"It would only damage Jimmy he would be annoyed it however would not affect me."

Dean rolled his eyes as he chugged the water.

"What are you doing here Cas" Dean was about to fall asleep on his feet his dreams not having any mercy for him.

"I have the material. The spell is ready"


	5. Chapter 5

They had worked out the spell Dean finally understood what he was going to be saying and it disturbed him.

Some of the lines were just wrong.

Example A "bring about the soul which has been lost to eternal darkness where the path of blood is all that is known so which forth that only of blood may the soul be shown" Dean shivered at reading the lines his earlier hope was now being clouded with doubt.

Was this the right thing to do?

Uncertainly plagued him until an image of a smiling Sam came to mind he needed to do this.

Weather to ease his own suffering or Sam's he wasn't sure anymore.

Dean drove down the high. Nothing surrounded him except emptiness.

Alone in his car he remembered his goodbye to Lisa and Ben.

_*"Dean I don't understand where are you going and who is that?" she pointed at Cas who stood by the door. Dean waved him away and was glad the angel actually used the door. _

_"Lisa" he didn't know what to say. _

_He knew it was a bad idea to tell Lisa about Sam and what he was planning so he went for half truth. _

_"Something happened to my friend. HE really needs help with a case. I wont be gone that long" She studied him. _

_She could see he wanted her to let him go but she was afraid she wouldn't get him back. Every time he left her she worried and every time he returned she could see a part of him had died. She barely had the Dean she once fell for but she couldn't restrain him, he was to wild. _

_She felt a smile pull on her lips. "Alright but promise me you will be safe?" _

_He smiled and held her close. "Course. Its only book work I will be fine." _

_He kissed her check and made his way to the door when he heard a shaking voice behind him. "Don't go"_

_Dean turned around to see Ben standing there unsure on what to do but stare. _

_"Please Dean. don't leave us again!" he ran at Dean the only father figure in his life and the only one he ever wanted. _

_Dean hugged him close afraid to leave him, he wanted to be a better father than his dad was. He wanted to protect Ben from what he couldn't do for Sam._

_He held Ben when a memory of Sam when he was 5 came to mind he ran at Dean and hugged his big brother with that goofy grin. Dean made up this mind._

_Dean pulled back from Ben from the memory and looked at Ben. _

_He wouldn't fail Ben and he wouldn't fail Sam again. _

_This was going to work. _

_"I swear I will come back Ben. Hey" he ruffled his hair "have I ever broken a promise before?" _

_"No" _

_"Well I'm not about to start. I will be back. And when I do I'm going to kick your butt at your own game you'll see." _

_Ben smiled a little. Dean hugged him again and then was off"* _

Now here was Dean driving again, part of him missed being on the road all the time.

It was nice just to sit in silence.

"Turn here" Cas voice came from the once empty passenger seat.

Dean yelled and nearly crashed his truck. He growled he did NOT miss that!

"Dammit Cas we've talked about this!" Cas just stared out the window while Dean turned down a dirt road.

"So where are we going" Cas had only told him directions and so far it pointed to no where.

"An isolated place. It will be safe and very welcoming there"

Dean was nervous, the way Cas said "it will be safe".

"Its just Sam" Dean stared at the window calming his nerves.

"maybe" was all the angel replied.

"Ok you know what " Dean slammed on the brakes bring them to a screeching halt. And turned to the angel.

"I'm tired of that. Give me a straight answer Cas. I know your keeping something from me so spill." the angel just stared out the window.

"What do you mean maybe?" He was getting really pissed at the angel.

"Dean we don't know the state of Sam's soul. How much of him is really left. Its been 6 months Dean. Sam has been tortured for 60 years probably longer since their in the cage. HE will be a mess. Insane or scared. Angry or hateful or just hopeless. You need to prepare that this wont be the same Sam you knew Dean."

Dean just stared drinking in the words he longed not to hear but when he finally found his voice his reply was blunt and short.

"It will always be my Sam" his heart pounded as his mind whispered _*I hope*_

* * *

"Were here" Cas's voice broke the silence that surrounded them earlier.

It was hard to hear what Sam could be like but he wouldn't believe it.

He couldn't believe it.

Ahead of them was a crappy house.

Not even a house more like a shack.

He turned the car off and got out of the car. The angel already in front of the house.

"Your serious" he looked at Cas remembering Cas's words "You said it will be a safe place that will be very "welcoming" weren't those your exact words"

Cas reply was simply "It is"

Dean rolled his eyes and walked up the creaky steps and pulled the door handle, which in turn pulls the door completely off its hinges.

Dean dropped the door and looked at Cas. "Oh ya very safe."

**TBC..**


	6. Chapter 6

Dean went inside the house "shack" and looked around.

At least the place looked much better inside then outside. It was empty. No old photos, no trash on the ground nothing left over from whoever previously owned this place. Maybe no one lived here. Just an old place put up to be abandon. For some reason that disturbied Dean. Nothing just be created and then left to be nothing.

A foot layer of dust covered every inch of the house. There were stairs, old looking but from the looks of them it couldn't hold the weight of an infant. There was a dark hall way next to it and Dean could see closed doors if he looked hard enough. This place was creepy.

To Deans right there was a door.

Just a simply door really but the flickering light that shown beneath the crack had Dean on edge.

Cas merely walked to the door and opened it as if it were just a door but to Dean this door was a new beginning _or_ the voice that kicked in who waited for the down side in life _maybe this is the end_.

Dean shrugged the voice off and walked into the room.

This room was not empty, a book shelf was in the far corner filled with books some on the ground and opened like someone left in a rush and dropped everything.

A small table with no chairs stood to Deans left and not really seeing the huge ass pentagram that covered the center of the room. It was like Dean was back in his dream seeing it everything matching in intimate detail.

The circle was surround by red candles and some bones sat in the middle.

He did NOT want to know where Cas got them or if they were human bones but he wasn't really hopeful that they were animal bones either.

"Very homey" calmly said while his heart beat a mile a minute.

This was it, he was so close.

"Dean"

He turned to Cas and stared at the angel who was struggling with some inner demon or an inner angel more likely.

"What Cas" the angel squirmed he never seen the angel squrim before it was unsettling.

"Dude just spill already" Cas sighed and looked at Dean.

"I'm not sure you should do this."

Dean had been expecting this topic to come up sooner or later.

"Ya I know your worried that the cage will crack or something and the angels will break free but it's a spell. He should disappear and just appear here, right."

he didn't mean to end it sounding like a question but thats what it sounded like.

"You have to see how strange this is Dean. I mean you have tried everything to get your brother back. You have tried selling your soul don't even try to deny it" Dean had opened his mouth but quickly snapped it shut. "But all the sudden randomly you have this dream to get to Sam. Haven't you thought how strange it was for you to see this"

Dean didn't actually.

Not once.

Maybe he thought it was good luck finally coming his way but he didn't know. Or more likely he didn't want to know.

He considered this a gift he wasn't going to observe it to closely he was just going to take it and whatever happens after wards.

He had to.

"Is the spell real"

"Yes but"

"Its not some weird chant to break the walls right"

"No but"

"Then no buts. Maybe someone did send me this to make me suffer or to make Sam suffer that seems more likely now but if this spell is for sure then I'm going to use it. You don't have to approve hell you can leave for all I care but I am going to say it and I am going to see Sam." and with that Dean approached the circle drawing out his knife.

He knew he was being selfish it was so obvious that this wasn't going to end well but he couldn't stop himself. The desire to see his brother was to overwhelming.

He stepped up and sliced his arm ignoring the stinging, he began to chant. He saw the angel out of the corner of his eye stand closer to the corner but he didn't leave.

Dean chanted on.

Cas was nervous by this. He had seen how desperate Dean was to see Sam again but Dean as usual never listened to reason when it came to Sam.

Why should that change now.

The candles flickered and suddenly there was wind wrapping around them. Strong winds lifting his coat whipping around, books pages fluttered in the current and soon books were just flying free, being hurtled across the room.

The candles dull flickers became flames and Deans soft chant became shouting.

And as sudden as it had all began it all stopped.

The candles flames died into nothing throwing them into pitch black. The wind had gone and everything was unearthly silent.

Cas raised his hands and light came from his hands. A ball that he rose to the center of the room with its light it chased away the shadows.

Thanks to the light Dean could see Cas now.

The angel looked nervous and calm but Dean he felt despair surround him and pull him into darkness.

It failed.

He failed again.

He could feel the sting of tears and he looked down not wanting the angel to see just how broken he really was.

The light was bright nothing was spared from its bright glow. Dean had been prepared about the spell should it fail and he was ready for disappointment but this? This was crushing this was heart wrenching and the emotional pain was torment. Thats when he heard heavy breathing.

Dean looked up at the angel could he really be that freaked out?

But Cas was staring off into the corner his eyes round like saucers and his mouth opened his gaze trained to the corner.

Dean turned to the sound following Cas's gaze and froze.

A figure huddled in the corner of the room. The figure had no shirt on but seemed blessed with pants.

Its back was to Dean and Cas while its hands covered its face shielding from the light.

Dean had stopped breathing.

The only thing that flew to him was one word, was one thing he would die for "Sam?"


	7. Chapter 7

_The only thing that flew to him was one word, was one thing he would die for "Sam?"_

The figure flinched at the sound of Deans voice but didn't turn.

Dean didn't know what to do. He knew it was Sam.

He recognized Sam's breathing. 27 years with him he better freaken know what his brother sounded like when he was in pain. He hated hearing his brother in pain he wanted to rush over to him and hold his little brother close and never let him go again but the rational part of him knew that that move would be a mistake.

Dean took a step forward. He didn't know what to do so he took another step and then another and then "Dean"

He jumped and Sam huddled closer to the wall practically hugging it. In less than a minute Dean had forgotten that Cas was there or even existed his whole being focused on Sam. Dean turned and angry eye at Cas.

"Be careful. He might not know you" his voice was low and calm trying not to further startle the shivering figure.

Deans heart shrank at those words. He could take Sam's hate his anger even his pain but he couldn't handle an insane Sam who couldn't be comforted by Dean. He hesitated a moment longer before continuing forward. He brought Sam here he couldn't just stand at the side line afraid to approach his brother.

He was five feet away from Sam but Dean decided it was close enough for now. "Sam? Sammy?"

He didn't turn but Sam hugged the wall closer almost hoping it would swallow him. Dean couldn't think as he stared at his brothers trembling form.

Sam was really here.

And even though Sam trembled and shock he couldn't help but smile that his brother was really here. Really with him.

Dean reached a trembling hand he could feel the heat radiate off him when he lightly touched his brothers broad shoulder. Bad move. Sam screamed and spun around pushing his back further into the corner as he wrapped his big arms around his knees and started rocking back and forth.

Deans eyes teared up at the sight his brother made. Sam was afraid. Sam was afraid of him. that thought was unbearable.

Dean had count a couple of bruises and cuts that ran along his brothers sternum but he couldn't fully tell the kid moved to fast. Sam started muttering to himself to low for Dean to here. "Sammy? Its me. Your big brother. Come on man its ok I'm not gonna hurt you I promise. Sam?" Sam didn't look up or in any way acknowledge Dean.

Dean scooted closer to Sam his mutterings grew faster.

"Sam your not in the cage anymore" Sam kept rocking back and forth like Dean wasn't really there.

Dean moved closer.

He was inches away form his baby brother now. He couldn't see Sam's face, he was hiding behind his shaggy brown hair. "Sam look at me. Please Sammy? Come on kiddo please" his voice broke. His brother was a mess and it was all his fault.

Sam took a shaky breath. He knew it would be a mistake to look up, it always was. Lucifer and Michel always wore Deans face to torture him always being the calm sarcastic Dean he loved but not once in, God how long had it been he had lost track of time, did they use a trembling Dean.

But Sam couldn't help it. Dean was his weakness.

Even if he was going to torture Sam forever with the look of disgust on his face, taunting him calling him a monster he would rather see Dean. He slowly looked up and flinched instantly.

There was a bright light that surround the room, he wasn't used to this light only hell fire light or no light at all. He preferred their being hell fire light that way he could see the attack coming and not just feel it. But Lucifer liked it that way. He would surround Sam in darkness and slowly but surely rip Sam apart. Sometimes he would leave Sam alone for days just so he could relax when the attack finally came.

He saw Cas in the corner which made no sense, the angels hated Cas and then he looked at Dean. He flinched out of habit but he could already tell this Dean was different. His eyes weren't twisted with hate but kind and filled with concern. Almost like the real Dean.

A sad smile lit up his brother face. "Sammy?" Dean watched his brother take in the room then look at Dean and flinched away from him. He could see pain and fear in his eyes. He looked so young. His features young but his eyes held an ancient man who had seen to much in his young life.

Dean reached a hand towards Sam and his brother flinched and backed away. He dropped his hand and felt ill that Sam didn't trust him but he shoved that aside.

His brother needed him.

"Hey kiddo" he said lightly trying to keep the shaking form his voice. Sam didn't answer but he just stared at Dean almost like he was waiting for something. He could see his brother clench his jaw the way it did when Dad would tell him what to do and Sam would refuse to back down. Dean had always admired that about Sam, he always wished he could be strong like Sam and live his own life but he never did. He obeyed his father like a good little soldier up until his last request. "Save Sam or kill him" well Dean sure as hell wouldnt kill Sam but he failed to save him.

"Sam" he spoke softly hoping he wouldn't scare him further. "Your not in the cage anymore. See that" he pointed to the pentagram. Sam's eyes darted there then back. Dean was going to tell Sam everything, just so he could see his brother relax just a little.

"We summoned you from hell" Sam's eyes widen to disbelief and it crushed Dean to tell him the rest. "It's not permanent Sammy. You will have to go back but I will find a way to get you out" he growled the last part.

Sam didn't say anything at first.

He looked at the pentagram and glared. That glare turned towards Dean.

"How could you" he just whispered but it felt like a shout to Dean he sat back a little. His mind sighed he always made fun of how Sam talked saying it was blah blah all he heard but right now it was music to his ears. God he missed hearing Sam talk. Even if he was pissed.

"You promised to leave this alone Dean. You have no idea what this summoning could have done to the cage!" Dean just smiled it was so good to hear his brother bitching again. "Seriously this could be AAAHHH"

* * *

**TBC...**

**yup i had to leave it off there :) please leave comments, they help me write more and faster **


	8. Chapter 8

"AAAAHHHHH" Sam started screaming his voice echoing through the old empty house stabbing Deans heart. His brother kicked out landing a good one on his leg making Dean hit the ground as Sam screamed and kept kicking out as if fighting whatever pain off.

Dean scrambled up staring in horror as steam rose from Sam's arms, the smell of burning flesh filled the air. Dean crawled towards his baby brother grabbing Sam's flailing arms trying to calm him down.

Sam screamed even louder and jerked his arms away from his touch screaming and begging for the pain to stop. But Dean was to horrified at what was on his hands to try and calm his brother down. His hands were coated in blood from finger to palm with bits of flesh mixed in with it. The blood slowly dripped off his hands as he looked up at Sam who was curled in on himself now, steam still came off him under his arms stilll bringing the horrible smells of burnt flesh. His screams had turned to sobbing which turned into loud gasping along with whimpering loudly. The sound tore Dean apart.

"Sammy let me see." Sam stayed curled in a ball rocking himself.

"Come on Sammy let me see" Dean gently grabbed his brothers shoulder his thumb making slow circular motions trying to calm his brother. "Sammy?" Sam kept gasping but slowly lowered his knees.

His heart broke as the air left him. Sam's hands to his elbows were burned. Blood dripped from them as the skin was blackened, his arms were uselessly being held to his chest like he was trying to cradling them to take away some of the pain.

Sam's breathing was heavy and strained, a moan escaped from his brother and he tried to curl back in on himself the pain being to much. Dean snapped out of his shock and looked at Sam. His little brother eyes were closed his head held up against the wall jaw clenched as silent tears streaked down his face. He was trying to keep himself together. And all Dean was doing was falling apart. Dean snapped out of his head out of his own pain.

His brother needed him now.

Dean slowly sat down next to Sam, shoulders touching but nothing more. He wanted to wrap his arms around his brother, he wanted to let Sam know he was here for him but Sam didn't seem to sure of Dean yet. And until he was Dean would not push him he would sit here and wait until his brother was ready.

Sam's eyes remained closed as he breathed through the pain.

"Cas" Dean was over the shock and now was furious. "What the hell just happened!" Sam flinched at the fury in Deans voice he hated when Dean mad. The fury came right before the blood and the pain. An image of a laughing twisted Dean sticking a knife in his gut came to his mind threatening to drowned him he shuddered away from that image. Away from the memory. He felt a hand touch his leg and pat him he opened his eyes to see Dean patting his leg his thumb moving in slow motion, like when they were little and Sam could be calm down by Dean when a storm struck. Like all his worries could be soothed by the one touch that use to mean so much to him. That had always been there for him. He closed his eyes and took comfort from the soothing touch and listened to the voices that once were the ones he believed in.

"I don't know Dean" Cas sounded puzzled. He did not understand what was happening. "Maybe his soul was split in two. One half, this half is here while the other half is being tortured but this half is here but still suffers." It was the only thing that made sense and it sadden Cas that his friend was still suffering. He wanted to help he just didn't know how to. Lie yes but he couldn't risk breaking the cage.

_Great_. Sam thought. If he really was here which he didn't fully believe then no matter what he still suffered. _Great just friggen great_.

But his mind was whispering unspoken thoughts, thoughts that got him in trouble, weak thoughts. "_if this is real then that's really Dean. He can save you_" he crushed that voice.

Sam didn't deserve to be saved. He would suffer for eternity, maybe even longer. He ruined so many peoples lives. He was responsilbe for the woman he loved death, the demon blood that started the Apocolapse and then he was to weak to fight Lucifer he almost killed Dean and succeeded in killing Bobby. Tears sprang to his eyes. He killled his father.

"Sam" Deans voice floated over him and he flinched. He couldn't help it, Dean always made him suffer and he deserved to suffer.

_No not true_! Dean would never make him suffer Lucifer and Michael did but never Dean, _he protected me he always had_ his mind told him.

"Sammy look at me" Sam obeyed him and looked at his big brother. Dean smiled at him. Not his cruel smile his Sam-your-safe smile that warmed his battered heart. And yet he didnt understand how he could even look at him after what he did to Bobby. Pain sliced into his chest suddenly and Sam hissed. Dean heard him and grabbed his shoulders. "Sam" he called out to him but he couldn't breath.

His ribs were broken, 4 of them he guessed, and a new cut appeared on his chest starting from his throat and ending at his stomach this one seemed a bit deeper then the other ones. Blood ran down his chest coating the wooden floor. Blood lost would normally be a problem but these weren't normal circumstances were they.

Dean wrapped his arm around Sam's shoulders and for once Sam didn't flinch. Dean held him as he took in the newest of many wounds that marred his brothers flesh.

He couldn't breath. Sam was being tortured and Dean couldn't help him he just watched as his brother was breathing hard but breathing through the pain. He was tough. But right now Dean wasn't.

Dean looked to Cas his eyes begging Cas to know a way to stop this but the angel just stared back at Dean not a flicker of emotion crossed his cold eyes and in that moment he hated Cas for everything. For Sam's pain for his imprisonment for every bad thing that had happen to both of them he placed it all on Cas. But the angel didn't flinch from Deans hateful gaze he just met his glares and stayed away from the Winchester brothers. "Dean" Sam's soft voice brought Dean out of his staring contest.

He was back in big brother mode.

He gently squeezed Sam's shoulder letting him know he was here for him. "Ya bitch" Deans reply caught Sam off guard and Sam smiled which in turn made Dean smile just by seeing it.

"Bobby" he wanted to know he needed to know. "Is he" he couldnt finish. Dean smiled and gently squeezed his shoulder. "Bobby is fine Sam. Cas was brought back and then he brought Bobby back. Old guy is still working the phones" Sam laughed. YEs he was alive. Bobby was alive! And he was fine. But what about Dean? He was here with him does that mean he didn't go to Lisa? Still hunting? Had he been hurt?

"Tell me" his brother breathing hitched as if he were in pain again. "About your new life Jerk" He barely finished because he felt his chest tighten he pulled his knees to his chest to hide the newest of marks. A long cut appeared on his side deep but not life threatening so he tried to hide it from his brother but Dean noticed and gripped Sam tighter.

He smiled his Dean always noticed when he was in pain, he barely realized that through the pain his head ended up on Deans shoulder but he did feel Den hold him tighter he sighed.

He really was here. With his Dean.

"Uh" Dean didn't know what to say. Did he really want to tell Sam about how his life was going great? Not great he corrected himself as he held Sam if possible even closer it was a good life. His life had been good for him but Sam's life?

How could he tell his suffering brother that he was doing well?

As if sensing his thoughts Sam looked up at his brother giving him the puppy dog face that warmed his heart and crushed his better judgment. "Sam" he began ready to tell his baby brother off.

"Dean please" Sam looked desperate his voice small.

Dean gave in he always would give his little brother whatever he wanted.

"I kept my promise Sammy. I found Lisa and Ben and can you believe it she took me in."

Sam's breath hitched and a scream ripped through his throat and his leg was twisted all the way around before his very eyes.

Dean watched his baby brothers leg being lifted and being twisted all the way around the nasty snapping that came from his brothers leg nearly sent Dean insane. Sam tried grabbing his leg but his arms were useless so he just sat back and started panting and tried to breath through the pain but it hurt to much.

He cringed into Deans arms that some how seemed to have in circled his shoulders while he had been screaming. Dean whispering into his hair. "Its ok Sammy its going to be ok"

Even though Sam was in horrible pain he had never felt safer. Sam gave a shaky laugh "Knew….she would" he panted out.

Dean held his brother tighter and a tear escaped his eye and landed in Sam's hair.

* * *

**Sad to leave this here but its all in the plan. seriously guys if anyone is still reading this i would really love reviews**


	9. Chapter 9

_Sam gave a shaky laugh "Knew….she would" he panted out. Dean held his brother tighter and a tear escaped his eye and landed in Sam's hair. _

"Tell me more" Sam's voice was low and gruff trying to calm his breathing while hiding the pain from his brother. Habit Sam guessed. To seem stronger than he really felt so his big brother would be proud of him when he was in pain. Even now he wanted Dean to think the pain was nothing that he could handle it. Even if he was ready to rip his hair out, or if he could since his arms were useless and scream until his throat gave out. But he mainly just wanted to sleep.

He hadn't slept in how long had it been there?

How long had it been here? Sam wasn't sure and he wasn't sure if he wanted to know either.

His baby brother was suffering and all he wanted to know about is if Deans life was good.

"I work" Dean was breathing and talking low. He couldn't believe he was doing this but then again Sam had asked. Who was he to deny Sammy of what he wanted. If it had been possible he gave his brother what ever he wanted. "at construction" Sam laughed at that and winced when the cut throbbed from the effort but still he laughed.

Dean smiled. "Hey shut up man. I'm good with putting shit together. Building things." Sam didn't say anything but he curled more into Dean. An unconscious childish gesture. Sam's head was on his chest and his back was pressed into Deans chest his arms circled Sam's shoulders careful not to touch his brothers burnt arms that still made Dean sick to look at. Sam's now broken useless leg was stretched out his foot bending in the opposite direction then a normal foot should be doing.

"I got a truck" Sam seemed to be struggling to look up but he managed to do so and confusion darkening his eyes when hazel met green.

"Yup retired the old baby. Don't hunt anymore." Sam's eyes lightened at that.

He lowered his head hiding the smile that lit his face . He was happy his brother was out.

Happy to know Dean wouldn't have a bloody lonely untimely death. Sam didn't really believe that Dean would listen to him. His whole life had been around hunting and a big part of Sam thought his brother would continue even though he begged him not to.

"Sam?"

"Huh?" Sam's voice low.

Dean missed his brother so much he wanted to know about hell he wanted to make his brother feel better but he didn't know what to say.

"Uh do you remember when we were kids we were at this crappy motel"

Sam jumped in on that one "Dean we were always in a crappy motel" Sam huffed a laugh and flinched. Dean smiled his brother was right they always were crappy. Not once had they had a hotel that went above a 2 star. "But dad was gone simple salt and burn that was extended for 2 weeks.?"

Sam thought about it. "Ya I remember" Dean gave Sam his food when they ran out of money and there last resort was Bobby. Dad had been furious when he came back and Bobby was there taking care of them. He never really understood why his dad got so angry that day. "You were 12 right"

"Ya and you were 8. You had a nightmare for like a week straight but you refused to tell me about it. I finally cornered you and you finally told me. Do you remember what it was about"

"No I don't but I remembered what you said after wards. You said that no matter what you would be here for me that no matter what you wouldn't leave me and I could always come to you no matter what it was about." Sam recalled it like it was yesterday.

It was a memory he recalled a lot in hell when he knew the difference between the real Dean and the fake Dean.

He could always tell but a pit of guilt built up in him, hell had gotten to him. He couldn't even tell the difference anymore and he had stopped replaying that memory when Deans face only caused him pain.

Dean was surprised at how well Sam remembered it but the shift in his brother told him that his brother felt unease about something but Dean let it slide.

"Why bring it up Dean? I want to know more about you." Dean cleared his throat now or never he thought. " and I will tell you more after" he cleared his throat again. " you tell me about hell" his voice died into a whisper. Sam stiffened in arms.

Dean really didn't know if he wanted to know about Sam's time. He had already witnessed a few methods on his brother and that was bad enough.

"How long has it been since I jumped?" Sam's voice was quiet. Deep in thought.

"6 months 22 days 9 hours and 32 minutes"

" Its only been 6 months? Its been about 70 years in the cage Dean and that's all you get." Dean wanted to weep at how long his brother has suffered

"tell me more" Sam pressed. "Please Dean I….I just want to forget for a while. Please" Dean nodded.

He understood and hated himself for bring it up.

Dean began to try and explain about being a soccer dad when Sam stilled in his arms his breathing became pants.

"Sam?" Sam shifted and turned Dean dropped his arms wondering what was happening. Sam slide down and started thrashing.

His brothers back arched a scream tore through Sam as his chest poured blood and was ripped open. Blood spattered everywhere, repainting the old colorless room. Dean screamed for Sam but Sam couldn't hear his brother over his own screams he felt like he was dying but Sam knew it wouldn't be that easy. Nothing ever was for him. He felt and heard his rib cage snapping and being crushed in his chest he screamed if possible even louder.

Dean watched as his brother stopped moving and collapse into Deans lap.

Dean stared in horror at his brothers still pale form.

Sam's face was pale as a sheet and he looked so young. Like his little kid brother but the gaping wound told a different story to Dean. Dean gently lifted Sam and brought him back to his chest looking at the gaping wound in his baby brothers chest. He could see some ribs sticking out of the wound some seemed missing but he had heard the crushing sound and knew that they weren't missing only buried deeper into his chest destroying Sam's organs.

A sob rocked through Dean and soon tears poured out of his eyes falling lightly on his brothers cheek. "Sammy. Oh god Sammy" Dean held him tighter when Sam began to stir. Dean nearly dropped his brother but caught himself.

He didn't believe Sam could still be alive after that. Sam groaned.

He wanted to tell Dean he was ok but he couldn't form the words he couldn't get past the raging pain that surrounded his chest.

"Sammy" Deans voice was like a light in his darkness.

"Sammy. Open your eyes man. Please Sam" he heard Dean sob.

Dean? Sobbing:? No way.

He opened his eyes and looked up at his big brother who had tears running down his face. Deans eyes lit up when Sam meet his eyes. Dean could see the pain in Sam's eyes and wanted to die. Sam was in pain and he could do nothing about it.

"Its ok Dean. This " he gestured with his head towards the gaping wound in his chest while panting. "This isn't gonna get me down" he smiled trying to be strong but his voice came out in a whisper and strained to be heard.

Dean glared as his heart clutched was Sam serious?

Was this nothing to him?

"Sammy" he growled out he wanted his brother to be straight with him but Sam shook his head. "No Dean." he whispered.

"Tell me more" Dean sighed but knew Sam wouldn't let it go. Dean gave in once again.

"I'm basically a soccer dad" he spoke as Sam turned his head back down eyes closing listening to his brothers voice as tears came falling out of Deans eyes. Nothing could contain them and he wasn't going to stop them.

* * *

**TBC..**

**more on the way i ended it on a bad note but i just kept typing and typing and it was getting to long. maybe 1 or 2 more chapters. please review guys**


	10. Chapter 10

**N0tes: the bold italic lines will be the conversation Cas and Dean will have in his head. hopefully you will enjoy i wasnt sure about this chapter**

_"I'm basically a soccer dad" he spoke as Sam turned his head back down eyes closing listening to his brothers voice as tears came falling out of Deans eyes. Nothing could contain them and he wasn't going to stop them._

Sam smiled at that he used to love soccer growing up and with Dean as any type of couch he was pretty sure Ben's kick could be fatal.

Dean could still tell his little brother was still in pain. His breathing was irregular, every time he shifted he would wince and push himself closer to Dean as if hoping his big brother would drive the pain away.

He did the best he could by just holding Sam by the shoulders gently squeezing and holding his Sammy close.

"Ben's got one mean kick. Last week he nailed some kid in the nuts" he laughed at the memory. "It was awesome Lisa was pissed. He tried playing it off that it was an accident but we knew better. She tried grounding him while I got him pizza." he smiled slightly Ben was awesome and he loved the kid.

But did he love them more than Sam?

Unaware of his brothers thoughts Sam heard the happiness in his brothers voice.

Sam always knew Dean would make an amazing Dad. He had always been great to Sam more fatherly for him than their Dad ever was.

It was the right choice in jumping. In sending Dean to Lisa. He made up his mind.

He wouldn't ask Dean for his help, he wouldn't go and beg for his big brother to save him like Dean always promised.

Sam knew better than that. So sucking up his last remaining strength and buring his pain deep buried the weak voice deep was the best he could do.

He would not ask for help. Living with the pain the torture he could do but he couldnt stand ruining Deans happiness.

"Ben calls me old man." his brother continued without realizing Sam's resolve.

"Can you believe that! Old man! Please I'm young and still gorgeous." Sam laughed which ripped pain through his chest it was sharp and the hole in his chest throbbed. Hissing from the pain Dean squeezed his shoulder hugging Sam a little tighter.

"Your not" he huffed out talking hurt but he pushed through the pain if not for his sanity then for mother hens sake. "That young anymore dude" he panted, he could fee something about to happen, something worse was coming.

He kept blinking his eyes unwanted tears leaked from his eyes which began to sting. "Your…practically ….ancient." he squeezed his eyes shut. The pain behind them intensifying. He wanted to rub his eyes but his arms were no longer working so he went for the next best thing. He turned towards Dean.

Dean noticed the change in Sam. "Sam? Sammy" Sam started panting causing fear to run in his veins.

He was panicking thats all he seemed to be able to do, he didn't know what else to do he was helpless, the best he could do was offer comfort. "Shh its ok Sammy. Its ok" which was bull shit but he had to say something to his in pain brother.

Sam started twisting in Deans arms a terrifying scream tore through him, eyes squeezing shut so tightly hoping to stop the pain behind them. The pain built so did the screaming he was tired of screaming tired of being in pain but it was all coming out now almost leaking out of him, with each new wound a piece of Sam went away or it had been until Dean pulled him back out.

In a scary way almost like they were tears blood ran down his face from his brothers eyes. "SAM' Deans screams made Sam's eyes fly open attempting to take in his surroundings but was met with only darkness.

Dean stared at his brothers face blood running down from his eyes, eyes that were burning away in their sockets.

"DEAN" Sam screamed for him chasing away any and all thoughts of anything else, Dean held him tighter. "Shh Sammy . Its ok. Its gonna be ok. God Sammy I'm so sorry." Dean kept whispering into Sam's hair as his brother shifted fighting off the pain the best way he could. Screams turned to whimpering. The sounds ripped at his soul he felt tears run down his own face hearing his brother suffering. Dean can take a lot and has taken alot but this?

Was overwhelming this was down right unbareable.

He pulled back slightly and looked down at his little brothers face.

Blood trailed down his young face lightly dripping down to his battered chest. Sam kept blinking as if hoping with each knew blink he would be able to see again. His once kind hazel eyes were gone. Replaced with ash, darkness and blood. he was forcefully reminded of the movie Ghost rider and how after he looked his victims in the eyes that their eyes burned away. A sob came through him but he held it down.

He needed to be strong.

He leaned back down cheek in his brothers hair and just held him close as the tears came faster.

"**_Dean_**" his eyes opened but did not move.

It was Cas's voice but Sam hadn't reacted in anyway. He stared at Cas he forgot the angel had been standing there the entire time hearing them, seeing Dean at his weakest time. But that didn't matter. Nothing mattered except Sammy.

**_"Dean its almost time"_** Dean was carefully watching the angel but his lips didn't move not even a little. Cas was speaking in his head. Great Dean thought I'm hearing voices. Stupid angel voices. He wondered if Cas could hear him back.

_**"Uh Cas?"**_ awesome now I'm talking to myself. Sam took a deep breath, whimpering was replaced to deep breathing as he tried to move past the pain but there were no tears. How could one cry in pain when they had no eyes?

Dean held him tighter, trying to make Sam feel safe in his arms it seemed to work. He relaxed in his brothers arms Dean felt safe just because Sam was there.

**_"Yes I can hear you Dean"_** Dean flinched again and stared at the angel.

**_"what do you mean? What's almost time?"_** Dean dreaded the answer remembering their previous conversation about the spell and its limitations.

**_"The spell Dean. It only last an hour you have 5 minutes left."_**

**TBC.**

**will Dean find a way to break the spell? or is Sam going back in the cage? ;)**

**NOTES: reviews please pretty please if anyone is still reading review are welcomed**.


	11. Chapter 11

_"The spell Dean. It only last an hour you have 5 minutes left."_

The angel sounded sad in his head his cold eyes seemed troubled. But Dean didn't care about the angel the angel didn't matter to him.

Tears filled his eyes. This cant be happening.

_Not so soon not yet I just need a little more time. No i cant let Sammy go back. Its not fucking fair! Why was bad shit always happening to Sammy_. "Dean" it was Sam's voice this time shaky, quiet basically broken.

Dean cleared his throat shrugging off the pain his self pity. He needed to be strong for his brother. "ya Sammy?"

"I think the spell is ending Dean. I feel… I feel almost like I'm not real anymore. I, I have to go back." Sam's voice was small and broke on the last word.

It was unbearable to hear, Dean held in a sob of his own.

"No your not going back Sammy. I wont let you go back." Dean felt his anger rise a new found purpose formed in front of him and he wondered why it took so long to form. Dean was content with his life but not happy. Happy is with his brother on the road killing evil things that dared hurt other people. His brother was a hero he didn't deserve to be locked away in a cage suffering for the world.

"Yes Dean" faint but strong. "You have to leave me there"

Dean snapped defiance ran through him. "No. I cant let this happen to you Sammy. You deserve more then this. I want you back man. I want my baby brother to complain about my music to tell me I'm stupid to lecture me about what I eat" Deans anger was slipping away being replaced with a sad yearning to save his brother. "to figure out what's going on first and point me in the right direction. I need you Sammy." his voice broke and he broke down.

Sam had been silent the entire time taking in the words that he never heard before. He had no idea just how much his brother loved him and it really sounded like Dean wanted him back wanted him to be here with him.

But He needed Dean to listen to understand.

"you cant always get what you want Dean" with a sad laugh he continued even though speaking hurt like a bitch. "it has to be this way. I've always wanted a normal life but above that I've wanted you to have your own family. To be safe and happy and you are Dean. I can tell that you love them and you need to be there for them. Its to risky to pull me out. This stunt here could have caused it damage but no more dude. We cant risk them getting out. Dean your always saving me man but the only way to save me is to let me go and have your normal life. I love you Dean." while silently adding _I deserve to be there Dean, I started it and ended so many lives, I deserve this._

He knew Dean would argue with his view about that so he left it out.

Dean couldn't breath as Sam started panting again. Not a good sign. He looked at the angel but his old friend shook his head. "_**out of time**_" the voice whispered through his head.

"Promise me Dean" Sam's face was grisly, all covered in blood his eyes were shut tightly not wanting Dean to see the damage that had been left behind.

"I" he gulped. "I promise Sammy" and he sobbed its all he could do. Just why the hell did he promise that? Why was he making so many stupid promises all the sudden? Sam smiled at him a sad yet happy smile that warmed his heart and broke it at the same time.

Sam groaned when he felt pain on his heart. It was being ripped out slow and painfully.

He could feel the hell fire, the burning the heat but at the same time could still fell Deans arms surrounding him.

_That's it thought _Sam _spells over_. Dean's arms were fading but he heard Deans last words. "I love you Sammy. I always will" voice filled with love and pain pulled on him, then Sam screamed safe arms gone heat consumed him. His wrists and ankles being latched back into place by the burning steel that blistered his skin his tugging was pointless but he struggled he had to do something which made a voice laugh. Lucifer he thought.

He was back '**home**'.

"welcome back Samuel. Now why did you leave us? That was very rude we were in the middle of something." his voice sounded generally like he missed him.

Sam's heart was burning in his chest he screamed louder than he ever had before. He was going to pay for his trip upstairs. But Deans voice of a happy life of Deans happiness he didn't care. The trip would cost him but he was content because his brother was happy.

"well sorry" he laughed out. "your ugliness was to offending to take" a chuckle in the distance was met with a snarl of rage was what Sam heard before he was drowned out by his own screams.

"Watch your tongue young man. Or how bout we all watch it." Ice formed on Sam's chin as something forced his mouth open.

"Say aw Sammy" Sam screamed when he felt a cool blade touch his tongue feeling the slight pinch before his tongue was cut out the pain of screaming was cut off as he choked on his blood only gagging could be heard in his ears the pain overwhelming. He spit up blood feeling it run down his chin spattering around him he was choking.

All Sam wanted was to be safe or wanting to just be dead. But while he was here neither would happen.

_Dean for Dean be strong for Dean._ He swallowed the blood and attempted to stop gagging _stay strong _a voice told him the voice sounded like his strong big brother. He clamped his jaw shut and took whatever came next.

* * *

Dean watched as Sam faded away screaming.

His brothers terrified voice echoing through out the empty house filling the brothers heart with pain, despair and loneliness. Dean had been ripped apart by hell hounds tortured and beaten to death but nothing came close to this pain. The pain of uselessness as his brother suffered.

He looked down at his empty arms, his pants and shirt were covered in blood.

His little brothers blood.

So much misery, so much pain his brother was suffering so much and he was just sitting here. Looking around he was feeling numb but his empty eyes met the angels eyes which were normally cold but there came a flicker of sadness over the angels eyes which seemed like an admit of defeat, of failure. Dean fell back not knowing what to do next.

How to continue with out his little brother.

Sam jumped into the cage leaving him alone but he made a promise to go to Lisa and she muted Dean, pushing back his identity but he was back, the role of being a big brother the love for the little brother was back and it an hour he lost it all over again, lost his brother again.

He just stared out as silent tears ran down his worn out face, he felt empty, broken.

How was he suppose to survive this time?

Cas watched his friend as the hunters eyes went blank. Complete devastation.

Pain grew in his chest, he never should have obeyed his orders this all happened because he let Sam out of the panic room. He hated his bosses, hated God but he mostly hated himself. Because of his stupidity his friend died and now suffered eternal damnation.

Deans pain was like a black whole, dark, growing and endless. The blank look that consumed his eyes he had only seen once before, the slow misery burning away in his eyes the endless pain was when Sam first jumped in when the realization that the one person he gave his life for the one he took care of was gone forever.

If Cas attempted to comfort his friend the man would lash out be consumed with hate and push the grief down then next do something stupid. There was only one person who could comfort him and that person was forever lost.

Cas sighed and left the older brother in his misery vowing silently to find who ever sent Dean the dream that they were going to pay.

Dean heard Cas leave but didn't care. Nothing mattered but Sammy.

His Sammy was suffering for eternity.

And once again he made another promise that killed him inside. Hours passed by, light began to fill the room, dull but he knew it was dawn but he didn't know how to move. He looked down feeling numb he couldn't feel anything.

Did he have legs?

Was he even breathing?

with out a conscious effort he got up slowly went out to his truck. Without thought he barely realized he had stripped down out of his blood soaked clothes into dry over pressed clothes. Then some how he made a fire continuing onward burning the bloody clothes.

Next second he got into his truck and drove.

Dean couldn't feel, couldn't care where he was going all that mattered was that he was going.

Hours went by maybe even days but still he drove. Where he was going he had no clue but he was going. Dean finally pulled over and shook himself out of his auto pilot. Looking around there were tall pine trees and a hill, a familiar steep hill.

Getting out of the truck he walked down the hill just following his feet. Following a beaten down path that if his legs hadn't traveled before they wouldn't have known where to go.

He followed it for a while before it opened to a wide field, facing a big tree and a rope swing that barely being held together sat in the open field.

Walking out into the open everything so familiar so painful to see again.

looking at the tall tree that wasn't so tall anymore, it wasn't beautiful or wonderful it was just a tree. He sat in front of the cold tree just trying to breath. The wind blew bringing the sent of dirt and water as the swing began moving without a host.

In his mind he saw the host was Sammy who was swinging back and forth without a care in the world he smiled at the boy but Sam didn't look he was smiling and laughing at something else.

The image of his baby brother was beginning to fade, he was slowly disappearing. "Sammy?" and just like that the image of his brother was gone.

Just like his real Sammy.

Tears sprang to his eyes and they flowed freely staining the old worn out face of the retired hunter.

Sam would never be happy again. Never be free.

Instead his hero brother would be tortured and ruined. He cried for his little brother his Sammy and Dean let the pain wash over him.

He sat there letting the pain rule him.

**FINISHED!**

**it was sad to end and a very sad ending, but this came to my head after season five and stuck with me so i decided to write it down and i never saw this end happy i tried to turn it around in Sam's favor but it didnt work. im sorry i hope you liked it enough to leave some reviews, i love reviews!**


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